High Drama

Dramatis Personae

2005-04-26T15:59:00.000-07:00

Who thought it would be a great idea to star in, direct, costume and generally be most every name on the play bill for Midsummer night's dream? who did that???? i must have been smoking crack at the time. directing is a big pain in my butt. more so than carrying numberous marginally heavy boxes up and down lots of stairs.

at least i have some good support in my cast and i can do this. at least I can, i dont know if anyone else can, but i will perservere and keep on keeping on. besides i vent to bill and jackie and then i feel better. on those days i can actually sleep. it will be alright.

if you or anyone you know is willing to committ to learn lines, attend rehearsals, and be an all around bonus to my cast, lemme know!

taxes revisited

2005-04-15T12:56:00.000-07:00

ok, well, Bill has set me straight. i didnt say that any tax that i owed over $1000 was a lot, i said $100. and that IS chump change, i have come to find out. that is all. over.

Birth and Taxes

2005-04-14T10:51:00.000-07:00

well, i have just done my taxes. hey, how bout that waiting for the last minute? oh, well. here is a weird thing i have found. i always get a refund from federal and always owe to state. i went over my last 3 years (2002-2004 taxes) and was surprized at what i found out. my fed return has been in the low 300s (around $320) but in 02 the state owe was $2, in 03 it was $34 and in 04 it was $329. that was $2 more than the fed refund! what is that about?

and that whole phrase as inevidible as death and taxes? well to me, who was born on april 12th, it seems more like birth and taxes. and i do my taxes right around my birthday. huh.

so now im $2 poorer. i guess it could be much much worse. bill says he had to pay tons, but i told him anything over $1000 would be incomprehensible and upsetting to me, so he didnt tell me, but laughed and said he wished.

time to get those wretched people in power out of power. grrr!

South Carolina

2005-03-31T21:12:00.000-08:00

A while back (in Feb) i went to SC with Bill. Clemson, actually. I didnt really like the parts he was showing me. the really ritzy or the super redneck poor parts. so i was not most impressed. but on the day we left i saw lots of other places and they were not so bad. it was no DE with wide open spaces and fields as far as the eye can see, but it was ok.

but it doesnt really matter how good or bad it is, b/c that is where Bill wants to be and i want to be with Bill.

Today i got a bop on the head when Bill said that he maybe wanted to go to Clemson at the end of the summer and i told him what i thought about that was "GAAAAAAHHHH". mostly b/c that is so soon. i hadnt really thought anything would happen that quickly.

so probably some time in the future (possibly near) i may re-locate from MD to SC.
its sorta overwhelming.

i think i have to puke now.

neices

2005-03-31T18:09:00.000-08:00

i forgot to tell this in all the easter festivities. on good friday (march 25) my newest neice, Mariah Alyce (uh-leese), was born. she weighed 6 lbs even. she was 3 weeks early, and megan was induced cuz of high blood pressure. Mariah looked fine and Megan looked pretty good too, considering.

so now i have a new little girl to make froo-froo clothes for. tra la!

easter makes me tired

2005-03-27T10:22:00.000-08:00

i came home to my parents house on friday night. and ate too much. every day. every meal. not that it wasnt good food.

i just woke from a nap. its just after 10 am now. ive been sleeping for a few hours. and then up for more. mom really loves to go to sunrise service on easter sunday. i prefer sleeping to standing in the cold (usually rain). so i was woken at 5:11, when i asked to be woken no earlier than 5:15. 4 mins is trifling, but that was 4 mins that i now will never get back. and it took me 11 mins to get ready, which no-one belived was possible. HA!

so i am tired, and once again hungry. unfortunately, i ate about 15 of my twenty daily points at breakfast. and have done no exercize to offset extra. huh. guess i'll just be heavy on my next weigh in.

well, time to get ready for going to my grandparents. im wearing jeans. and a cantelope colored sweater. uh-oh, earthtone shannan is going pastel. just getting into the easter spirit.

weight watchers

2005-03-25T20:31:00.000-08:00

a few weeks ago (exactly 3 now) i was out trying on clothes and i realized that i did not look good. my 30 year old body was not living up to my expectations. i mean, i feed it regularly and occasionally go for walks in it, and yet it was a pudgy white thing. like a grub. maybe i shouldnt have got that full length mirror, fluorescent light effect in february. so i have been going to weight watchers. my goal is to get back to 125 like i was since i was 16.

the first week i lost 2 lbs. the second 0.8 lbs. this week (weigh in is monday) im thinking it will be none. b/c i am at home. and on my way home today i stopped at the candy store. then wendy's. then i ate dinner with parents. now im eating ice cream. i am sure that (any one of those things, actually) is more points than i should be eating.

on a bright note, bill likes me like i am and last week he said i was "wasting away to nothing" or some such. (thats after the 2 lb loss, bringing me to 135. wa ha.

mmmm....coffee ice cream.

Vera's white sands

2005-03-24T17:26:00.000-08:00

i dont know who anon 1 is. i know who some of my anon people are, mom, bill. ok, thats it. but anon 1 wanted to know what veras was. it is a restaourant. it is wacky. there is this really old lady who owns it and runs it (sorta) and its very kitchy and from the 50's-70's and decorated like a "tropical paradise" only weird. and the food is not so good. mostly you go just to say you have. but it is in the continental us. it is waterfront on the patuxent river cuz it used to be a fishing place or marina or something. now its got a great big pink sign thats a great landmark and thats about it. lala, the end.

the THEATRE

2005-03-24T17:18:00.000-08:00

the theater in many different aspects are very important in my life.

tuesday i spent the ENTIRE day (from 9 am to 9 pm) with brief breaks for food and bathroom on the couch watching movies. is that theater? dunno, but im counting it.

i work often doing costumes for theater groups that i work with.

i am insane for deciding to direct, play in and costume a play this summer.

im helping (by being an artist eye) in the set design of Sojourner: a tribute to Led Zepplin.

i am depressed and totally unable to cope with the lack of communication with Bill while he is in London enjoying the theatre. it ends in a "re" in britian. im sure of it.

so i did not think that it would be so bad, but i get melancoly when i get home and there is no blinky red light on my answering machine. i am astounded that there are no emails waiting for me when i am bored at work (today). and i will be very very glad when bill returns from across the pond. huh. 5 more days.

i did get two letters from him today in the mail. YAY!

best part about my job

2005-03-23T16:47:00.000-08:00

this past weekend was helacious. i dont know if thats the proper spelling but that is what it was. i worked on friday with a montessori group (1st-3rd graders). they are only slightly above homeschoolers in my worst possible groups to have on a field trip. 8th graders are in there too.

an interesting (to only me) part of that program (it was about maple sugaring) was the fact that these kids have been coming for 4 yrs so most of them have had the exact same program several years in a row. and the parents of these kids need to learn about discipline. that is one of my big pet peeves. why does no-one understand discipline? and punishment is not the same thing.

so this one boy was obnoxious the entire time and we are on a hike thru the woods to see the champion tulip poplar which is several hundred years old. i told them that it sprouted in 1775 (thats our estimate) and it is 2005 now, how old is it? they are yelling out "a decade!", "1000", "50" and other crazy answers. so i said that when we got back to the center we could figure it out together. and the annoying boy (whose name i have already forgotten but it might have had a b in it) said "you will tell me right now!". and i said "i am not ever going to tell you because you are being RUDE." and he shut up and looked shocked. huh. so afterwards we are almost back to the center and their yelling and screaming are driving me nuts so i said "lets see who can walk quietly back to the center, the moms will help me figure out who is the quietest". "will we get a prize???" "yes, you will win an extra tree cookie" (which everyone already has one of). so we are back and the loudest ones who had been at the front of the line with me including annoying B boy are SILENT! i was amazed. and when we were back and all sitting down, i started passing out prizes to the winners. i asked the moms if there was anyone who deserved one and hadnt gotten one. and one mom said "oh they all get one". and i told her no, only those who were quiet. and she said that everyone should get one and i (who does not want to get into a contest of wills in front of 25 kids) said no, they have to deserve it. and she said she didnt understand. and i asked the kids if they all understood when i said if you were quiet you get a prize and they all did. and then i said "its not a reward those who dont deserve it get the prize" and then they all were silent. huh!

then right after that i had an overnight with girlscouts and one part of their badge requirements was to interview a scientist (thats me, even tho i "dont look like a scientist"). they asked wacky queistions, like have i ever been bitten by one of our snakes(no), whats my favorite animal(wolf, fox, mountain lion), do i have any pets(yes, a cat), what's its name(mulder), if i had to pick between and ant and a tarantula for a pet which would i pick(tarantula), and what is the best part of my job(being outside), what is the worst part of my job(being outside).

which brings me to the real aspect of this story (after the fact that i literally worked and was at work from 8:30 am on friday til 4:30 pm on saturday) is that most days people are jealous of my job, but today was not one of them.

it poured today. really. all day. i led 2 groups, one of 45 and one of 35 out to the beach (everyone had inappropriate clothing) and we got rained on. it also dropped from 50 to 40 degrees thruout the day. so it was cold to. and really windy. and it was a bunch of 8th graders. told you they were at the bottom of my list. and the teacher was an idiot. crazyness. if you are an 8th grader out there, why is aloofness, sullenness and goofing off your M.O. in school? i was never like that. of course i was a shy smartypants.

Our Lady of exquisite sorrow

2005-02-15T17:08:00.000-08:00

so i havent blogged in a year. or at least not this year.

i had a good valentines. even tho my Vday was on saturday the 12th. bill and i went to VERA'S white sands. what was he thinking. everyones gotta go at least once. and that is enough. and then to initiate others so maybe youll eventually go many times but you wont really like it.

today at work i had a group schedule (but not until march) and the group was our lady of mount carmel. thats just odd. and then tania and i decided that we would think up some other "our ladies" i want to be an our lady when i grow up. we decided that its best if its a slightly paradoxical title. our lady of the excruciating smile. our lady of the tortured hair. our lady of the tonsured brow. our lady of the unfullfilled yarn. our lady of the invisible staying. our lady of the moldy gourd. so all day we called each other weird things. after pretending to be the good characters on office space. UMMMM....yeah, did you get the memo? it was a long day. im glad its done.

and now i have blogged. and im glad its done.

thanksgiving day

2004-11-25T07:02:00.000-08:00

these are the things i am thankful for today: my friends, my family, a nice house, a car that i mostly like but havent paid for yet, bill and food. did i mention food? i am hoping for pumpkin pancakes, but mom said "youre not gettin' it" when i hadnt even finished writing what i would like. harumph. how is that for thanking?

hurrah to home! now can i take a nap?

mom says she has been up since 4 am and does not feel in the mood for pancakes, plus there is no pumpkin-ness available. well, i will console myself with stale crumbly livesavers ive found here in the desk.

things that vaguely peeve me

2004-11-24T09:58:00.000-08:00

ok, one thing that vaguely peeves me is when all these anonymous people are commenting on my blog. not the commenting part, but the fact that they wont say who they are. some are known, b/c they told me who they are when they comment. i.e. who the original anonymous is and who anontwo is and the anonymous who turned into joshme. you unknown bloggers: be proud of who you are and tell it to the world.

number two thing that vaguely peeves me: my mother who was integral in the getting shannan to know bill scenario is now wondering if i know what im doing and telling me to slow down. have i ever made bad judgements before???? (ok, yeah, almost exclusively bad judgement, but still) does she not realize i am almost thirty????? what is she thinking?! do i or do i not deserve a happy moment and someone who makes me feel good about myself? huh!

now i am done ranting, because my mother really only wants the best for me, but sometimes forgets that i am an adult. and sometimes thinks that i am younger than brian, mostly because he is now married and going to have a baby.

and that peeves me too! A, brian is married before me and B, he is going to have a baby and NOW wont be in my non-nuptuial birthday bash b/c he was not using good judgement and planned/didnt plan the birth time so that it falls on the weekend of my party. how is that helping me?

"dont be selfish, shannan" HA! i am almost never selfish. the one time i get to be selfish is at this party and now my brides-man and my parents wont be attending??? ugh. brian and megan will have another baby. i will never be thirty again. i mean really, they want to be breeders.

and that is another thing that peeves me! BREEDERS!! keep it in your pants buddy! what is it with all these people who have 5 kids by the time they are 30? gross! do they not realize what crap the world is now? i dont want to bring a child into this world! there may be no fuel in 20 yrs, and the banks may crumble in 5! geez! brian and megan want at least 3 kids and maybe 4. and she wants them ALL before she is 30 (shes 24 now). LUNATICS!!

ok. i think i got the rant out. think peacefull thoughts. the water, the clouds, bill, kitties, pink fuzzy blankets, fabric, ahhh, better.

New and Improved

2004-11-18T17:43:00.000-08:00

there are some things you should not eat in multiples over 3. clementines are one. chocolate cake with way too much icing is another. clementines and chocolate cake together are really the ultimate. it gives me this weird jittery high. and causes me to write really odd emails. luckily only bill was recipient of said emails.

tonight im going to go on a run thru of housesitting for kathy. i really dont want to but sadly, i have not yet learned to say no to my friends. and today andy asked me to housesit. after i said i would NEVER housesit up that way again. but now that it is 30 miles closer to bill and he can easily come visit, im not so adverse.

i really like bill. i mean lots and lots. he gives me a warm feeling when i think about him. and even if we spend 24 hrs straight with each other, i STILL like him. and he drives me around which is really great. one time he sent me a CD in the mail. it had the song i have decided is 'our' song. it was howie day's collide. yay!

so this is the new and improved and slightly blushing shannan. hurrah! my teeth hurt from smiling.

cold

2004-11-15T17:19:00.000-08:00

so it is cold here now. geez. last night dropped to 25. what is that about?

i am told i dont blog enough. i dont know what you are talking about. i blog all the time! oh, wait. thats not blogging. thats talking on the phone. to bill. well, what am i to do? stop talking? huh!

so here is the BIG STEP that bill and i have decided to undertake. last weekend while i was visiting him in laurel and he was driving me around i asked "so are you my boyfriend" and he said "yes, i wanted to discuss that with you". so after some discussion it was decided that we are actually dating and will now call each other boy/girlfriend. actually we dont really call each other that. we actually call each other dear, dear, dear, dear, DEER! haha.

that is my story and im sticking to it.

Being Sick

2004-10-19T10:42:00.000-07:00

I am hanging out at home in my white flannel pjs (the winter ones with cool mittens and hats on them, not to be confused with my turquoise flannel pjs or my black watch plaid flannel pjs or my white flannel pj pants with rosebuds that i made) b/c i am sick. i went to work yesterday (monday) and did a program for matula elementary (aka matula oblongata). 60 kids for 4 hrs, rush them thru the waders/seining/swamp walk etc. and afterward i was exhausted, but thats normal. so i went home early (a whole hour early) and i realized i was thirsty cuz i had forgotten to bring my water bottle to the beach. so i drank almost a liter of water in a minute. then i felt naseous, and i figured it was just the quickness of water drinking.

so i lay down on my bed and felt more naseous and chilled. thats when i put on my flannel pjs (yes at about 3:30 monday afternoon). then at about 5 i was looking for some chicken noodle soup makings and had to rush to the toilet to vomit. that was not a pleasant experience. i hate throwing up, and i have been doing it more often of late. one time after i went to the indian restaurant with tania and mitzi on the way back to work i had to make mitzi pull over and tania jump out really quick so i could puke on the side of the road. that was both worse and better than this time, cuz there was more volume but it was over quicker.

leah suggested that maybe i had food poisioning. well, i didnt go to work today cuz i had a splitting headache, and i had already switched up with mitzi so she would take my program.

i am feeling better in the tummy but worse in the head. ugh.

so now i will run to the grocery store to buy food items and items to make into gift jars that i said i would donate to the wild auction at work this weekend. what was i thinking? guh.

and im not hungry, but i know i should eat.

Saturday Afternoon

2004-10-16T13:40:00.000-07:00

I think im feeling sick. I ate a whole can of campbells chunky chicken corn chowder. You eat what you must when stuck at work and no food was brought from home. The serving size is one cup. I put the soup in a cup (i.e. mug) and then ate it all. I think I might vomit. Due to too much soup in the belly and not good ingredients in the soup. Im sure that there are many things I have given up in that soup. Guh.
And I have to potty. But the bathroom is upstairs and I am hiding out down stairs so as to avoid the public. At least I am done my program for the day. And it s 1:40 so only a few more hours to go. I could walk the trail. Or work some more on my afghan for my new courtesy neice Evelyn Nicole. She was born yesterday! And I am mostly even finished the blankey! Hurrah! People were commenting that it didn’t seem to go with me cuz im all lovely neutral colors and it is happy baby girl pastels. Harrumph.
I hate auto grammar/spell check. It is fixing all my stuff and I don’t want it to.

Evelyn Nicole

2004-10-15T15:44:00.000-07:00

Oh my God! HOORAY!!! Jenny and Steve just had their new baby! I got sent pics at work today! YAY! I can’t wait to go see them! Her name is Evelyn Nicole. At least they finally settled on a middle name. First it was Flora then for a while it was Clare (not Claire spelled like Jenny’s mother in law who is a crazy woman) but Jenny suddenly during the week before the birth decided that E. Clare was not sexy and also reminded her of E. Bola. I love Jenny, but she is slightly neurotic about some things. So its Evelyn Nicole! To go with Olivia Shawn! Yay! New baby! And no more pregnant Jenny!

story of my life

2004-10-15T15:32:00.000-07:00

This is not really the story of my life, but it is the story of a moment of my life. That moment is not really a moment either. Mostly its just about my mother. My mother is a freak. A very friendly, loving, good cook type of freak, but still. At least I get it natural. She makes wacky comments. That is all her. She should have her own blog so I can make wacky comments, but does not. Sadly.
Im not sure where im going with this blog. Huh.
One day last month I went back to DE to visit the fam and to do the whole September birthday thing. My grandfather, his first born (my father), his first born (my brother darron), his first born (holly) and also darrons second born (regan) were all born between September 3rd and September 18th. So they are all virgos. Guh. So at some point I went to DE on the 19th? And mom and I talked about her coming to visit and when I had the day off.
Then on Monday the 20th I called and we talked about it and how dad, darron and mom were all coming over on Tuesday evening. I thought that was a dumb idea since they couldn’t stay long. No they decided they WOULD stay over night so darron and dad could go on a head boat out fishing the next morn. Huh. And mom and I did shopping things. I tried to guilt/bribe/doe-eye her into buying me a serger, but obviously that didn’t work. She did buy a cool blouse and we didn’t buy matching ones.
So on Wednesday we had a fish dinner and I fully expected everyone to go home so that I could have my bed back (mom and dad were in my bed and darron on the futon. I was on the floor, guests, hospitality) but dad thought it would be great if they stayed another day and turned to darron and said “if that’s ok with you”. HUH! Later he asked if it was ok with me. Very odd.
I made them smoke outside. I got some free dinners tho. And now they have seen my home. They were impressed. Its on the water. Of course, I only rent. And its just a studio apt, but nice anyway.
So that is the moment of my life that I said I would tell the story about.

Chastizement

2004-10-14T20:35:00.000-07:00

I dunno if that is spelled right, but really, who cares? not me.

but i have been told that i have not been blogging enough and that people are out there WAITING for my next blog. in breath-held expectation as it were. i bet not. i mean, you can only hold your breath for so long. me its about 1 min 30 sec. it used to be more. i never bled from my ears holding my breath tho. thats creepy.

i have an addiction. it is sad but true. my addiction is fabric. i own what equates to roughly 150 gallons of fabric and fabric accoutrements. since i have about 7 20 gallon rubbermaids full of fabric. a nd then a few garbage bags and paper boxes. its sad but true. saturday i went to joanns trying to find one thing. (a good nature-y fleece) there was none there. but i did find $65 worth of stuff that would be good for belly dancing that i couldnt live without. thats to go with the previous $150 worth that is sitting in a big pile and looking pretty but is not yet a costume. everyone else has at least one costume and i have none. but lots of fabric.

so today i had a day off. i also bought a serger on saturday (before locking my keys in my car at walmart...another lovely adventure). and i got to use my serger alot today. some of the stuff i serged was even belly dance related. alot was part of my mission to simply translate fabric into clothing so it no longer is in a rubbermaid and now is hanging in a closet and can not be counted as "stuff" to be got rid of or that is cluttering my life. i have lots of clutter. i collect clutter.

i had to hide clutter when my fam came and stayed. that is a different story. and i must remember to tell it.

Important for Fall

2004-10-12T13:33:00.000-07:00

1. wearing waders while teaching 3rd graders about terrapins is imperative after the 1st frost. plus it protects against squashy panties.
2. dropping a pull-n-peel twizzler in hot cocoa does not make the cocoa a happy fruity flavor and leaves the twizzler a warm mushy worm.
3. rain is dealt with best while wearing a rain hat (converts to sun hat with flip of brim...also very stylish)
4. running about shouting COOKIES!!!!! does not make cookies appear. sadly.
5. wandering room to room going cookies? cookies? also does not make cookies appear. still sadly.
6. the grocery store does not carry cookies that i can eat. except pepperidge farm mini chessman cookies. a serving size is 9. NINE??? who can eat just nine cookies? theres only 2 dozen in the bag!
7. a no-sew fringed reversible fleece blanket can be made in less time than it takes to watch a movie.
8. how are these things important for fall??? staying on topic is difficult and occasionally useful.
9. sharing slightly naughty thoughts with others, while very fun and friendly, is generally looked down upon. only because those haughty people do not get naughty thoughts shared with them. harumph.
10. fall is the time for cuddling. and if a very friendly person is not available, a cat or a fleece blanket is acceptable.
11. even in the fall you do not need what equates to 150 gallons of fabric. really. no its true.
12. cookies? COOKIES!!!!!

Important Lunch Hour Things

2004-10-06T13:16:00.000-07:00

1. you can run out and get lunch in an hour but usually you can’t eat it as well
2. Chinese all you can eat buffet is quick, but lends to that bleah over stuffed feeling
3. sadly, napping is generally not allowed during lunch hour
4. as long as you look busy you can take as long as you want to eat (at your desk)
5. writing up lists of important things is looking busy

being square

2004-10-03T10:38:00.000-07:00

last night, i went to dinner with bill. it was an adventure. we went to ledos pizza where the pizza is cut in squares rather than pie shapes. huh. very loud there, and bill talks quiet all the time. plus we decided to eat with out our glasses, and he had a better time of it than i. huh. i guess i am blind, but eating w/o glasses maybe will help me with seeing better. very interesting.

all my friends are freaks

2004-10-01T20:52:00.000-07:00

even tho i am one of those freak costume wearing people, all my friends are freaks of some sort. especially all those who comment anonymously. my god i think i spelled that right!

im housesitting again. for 2 dogs. they ignore me. its quite odd. maybe i should be sitting in front of the tv and eating beef or something to make them think i am supposed to be here. huh.

tomorrow i am supposed to go into the deep and meet bill. dunno where/why/how/what or anything yet. very on top of things am i. at least i dont have to work. sadly, i have to housesit, so i cant go do a day trip or anything. pretty much can be gone as long as i would be away at work. huh.

is it dessert time yet? im wanting desert.

im on a new diet. besides my food neurosies, now im really going to stive for five. for the past 3 days i have had a fruit smoothie (made myself cuz the stuff you buy has HFCS) for breakfast. very nice for geting out the door quickly cuz can be drunk while driving to work. very important when i have stayed up too late talking on the phone and/or woken early and talked on the phone. this whole phone thing is odd. and wrecking my sleep habits.

im guessing the smoothie has 1 or 2 servings. lala. and i put yogurt in to make it healthy. the non-fat plain kind. i would like the full fat plain kind, but cant seem to find it. usually if there is the option, i go for full fat. full flavor. mmmm....fat!

and as a parting idea i have to say: hooray for the campbells. cuz even tho i stop by in the morn, wake them up, and make them entertain me while im in the freak pirate queen costume, they are fun and friendly!

sleep deprivation and other fun altered states of consciousness

2004-09-27T17:37:00.000-07:00

this saturday i got to dress up as a bavarian beer wench and help my friend jackie alteri with her work's oktober fest. it was great fun. 1st i hung out in the barnyard telling everyone the names of the goats and cow. and yelling at the children "dont chase the geese/goats/sheep/piglets!". then i went to hang out with jackie and help her be the pretzel wench. it was lovely. mostly just hanging out with jackie and her hubby aarron who i never get to see cuz they live in laplata. and they told me they werent going to pirate day! what!!!

that night i became a sleuthy spy and thru logical use of numbers i already knew of bill's phone number and some talking to people i never met before i eventually got him on the phone. haha! and now he says he knew it was me all along. harumph.

we have entirely too much fun emailing each other, but after running down his cell phone we decided that yes we should actually walk into the deep end and meet each other. which will be very interesting, on many different levels.

and so sunday i went to pirate day at ren fest. i decided in crownsville that i didnt want to get tehre at 10 so i stopped by to see jenny and steve and olivia and evelyn inside of jenny. great good fun. and olivia now calls me the 'shake shake pirate' cuz my hair jingles. i got to ren fest and had great good time with jackie waymire and her hubby randy. and family. i had my poofty blouse and stomacher and big boots and spandex leggings and maori tattooing and feathers, beads and shells braided into my hair. i was showing off my assets, as jackie said. i was cool and original. i was not one of the 400 jack sparrows nor one of the 250 (so it seemed) purple pimp pirates. what is that about? pirates do not wear purple crushed velvet coat and leggings and big hats with ostritch feathers fluffing off! huh.

i did get some good compliments and many stares. i can stare anyone down with my tattoos going on. right when i walked in the door some guy said "you look really good in that outfit." i said thank you and kept on walking. he was a pimp pirate. and one very cute guy i looked at, but he just smiled and kept on walking which made me think that the guy he was with was not his friend but his special friend. i have no gaydar. how can i cultivate that? huh.

and then after renfest bill and i wore down his cell phone again! yay fun! and then i couldnt sleep cuz of too much thinking. and now im tired and feel slightly not attached to my body.

now i must go home and eat, nap(?), practice zills, and go to belly dancing.

Busy, Busy, Busy

2004-09-18T21:30:00.000-07:00

so i have been busy being very friendly to bill. bill is the cool guy who lives far far away in the place called laurel who is sometimes known as the sicilian my mom is trying to set me up with. he was sent on a quest to find this blog. he actually found it altho who knows how long he was reading unbeknownst to me since he was not commenting. if you are out there reading and not commenting you should be ashamed.

i spend a large portion of the time i am supposed to be working i am simply pretending to work and actually emailing all my happy friends. like cat. and bill. its great fun. hurrah!

Not up to Blogging Potential

2004-09-17T16:25:00.000-07:00

this post is kifed almost directly from a letter to bill: i have been slightly busy with other types of internet writing. ;p like epics to some wierd guy in laurel. and thinking up 20 odd questions. and i cant write about you in the blog. what can i say? im writing this cool guy who i have never met that my mom is trying to set me up with b/c she knows his best friend? besides! my MOM reads the blog. i cant write personal things. or at least things i want to remain personal. or at least quiet. this whole writing thing is more subtle and less franticly obsessive than those other "relationships". its a bit harder (for me) to get obsessive when we both have decided we may not want to actually meet each other. does that make sense? im going to cut and paste most of that and put it in the blog. so there :)

Little Known Fact

2004-09-09T11:25:00.000-07:00

Many people are not aware of the fact that a goldfish's (the snack that smiles back) preferred habitat is campbell’s tomato soup. The kind made with milk. Yum for dairy. They also really enjoy a life preserver made of EZ cheese to provide buoyancy. An additional source of calcium. It’s all about the calcium.

And the jingle. Snack that smiles back until you bite their heads off. Now really who does that? I eat the entire fishy. Or half of it along the midline/seam.

Very Useful Rules for Living Stolen from Olivia Joules

2004-09-08T17:45:00.000-07:00

1. Never panic. Stop, breathe, think.
2. No one is thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves, just like you.
3. Never change haircut or color before an importan event.
4. Nothing is either as bad or as good as it seems.
5. Do as you would be done by, e.g. thou shalt not kill.
6. It is better to buy one expensive thing that you really like than several cheap ones that you only quite like.
7. Hardly anything matters: if you get upset, ask yourself, "Does it really matter?"
8. The key to success lies in how you pick yourself up from failure.
9. Be honest and kind.
10. Only buy clothes that make you feel like doing a small dance.
11. Trust your instincts, not your overactive imagination.
12. Wehn overwhelmed by disaster, check if it's really a disaster by doing the following: (a) think, "oh, F*&% it," (b) look on the bright side and, if that doesn't work, look on the funny side.
If neither of the above works then maybe it is a disaster so turn to items 1 and 4.
13. Don't expect the world to be safe or life to be fair.
14. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.
15. Don't regret anything. Remember that wasn't anything else that could have happened, given who you were and the state of the world at the moment. The only thing you can change is the present, so learn from the past.
16. If you start regretting something and thinking, "I should have done..." always add, "but then I might have been run over by a lorry or blown up by a Japanese-manned torpedo."

see? and this is the same author who brought us bridget jones. i love her. olivia and bridget are my idols. both. at the same time. even tho they are totally different. plus they are british and so have fun slang.

Personal Ads

2004-09-03T13:00:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in the kitchen with Julie and she was reading thru the pennysaver personal ads. and circled some of the ads. for me to contact supposedly. with a sparkley purple crayon. i have not contacted anyone. (there was a whole 2 that might have fit in with my dating rules). i have a question tho. maybe any guys out there or girls who are more world-wise than i will know the answer. what does it mean when they put WM (i get White Male-very good) but does that mean they are not a SWM? hmm? interesting.

right now im emailing the (yeep) sicilian guy my mom is trying to set me up with. he's frenetic like me. thats not a bad thing. we will see where this goes. do i want it to go? ladies what is your advice?

Passing the Pipe

2004-08-31T10:57:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to a full moon pipe/drum ceremony. Much more pipe-ness than drumming. Its sad, cuz I really like the drumming. I have white-girl rhythm and so mostly I like to dance rather than drum. When we passed the pipe I put my prayers into it, and it was odd cuz it seems like I'm almost speaking in tongues when I do that. Then I tried to smoke it ("just puffing") but I'm obviously not very good at that game. Yeah, passed it on quite quickly. Im not sure where I was going with this story, so the end.

Innocuous

2004-08-30T09:33:00.000-07:00

its strange how if you wake up early on a sunday morn to get up to annapolis to go have fun times with friends the relatively normal, generally innocuous (sp?) bubblegum pop/top 40/ "best hits of 80's, 90's and today" radio stations programed into your car suddenly turn into either full on contry or preachers trying to stuff Jay-sus into the hole that is missing in your soul. i do not need full-on country. if i wanted it i would go further into SMIB-ville. i was trying to escape smibville. and if i need to see the work of god i would just step outside. there is someone up there and he has a sense of humor. but its warped. as i was trying to escape both bible bashers and twangy men on radio i was confronted with full grown lady praying mantis right in front of my eyes. maybe she materialized with the Jay-sus man. p.m's are very nice happy creature. except for the eating head of their mates. but anyway. it musta been 5 inches long and was about 4 inches from my head. i reclined the seat back, but there is only so far you can get away. i kept waiting for her to drop onto ME! eep. they are fine in the wild. not in my car. eventually she fell and crawled to window but found it too windy to escape so she turned and faced me with the creepy eyes and very pointy leggy bits and looked like she was ready to lunge. which she DID!!! yeah, screamed. but the wind (my savior in this instance and not the bible thumper at all) fwooshed her far far away. guh.

no more leaving the car window open over night.

Ladies Night

2004-08-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to my ladies night group. It’s really just 3 of us who get together and we work on what ever strikes our fancy. Recently it has been belly dance costumes. Unfortunately, Leah’s sewing machine and serger are now not working so what I did was just sit around and talk, listen to music, give sewing insight to Sandy, and read a chakra book that Leah had pulled out for me. I want to buy it. There are some great affirmations in it that we should all read. It was great! The thing about the sacral chakra was very nice and made a warm and glowy feeling when I read it aloud.

Poet is being Melodramatic

2004-08-25T10:30:00.000-07:00

Ok, I realize that that last post was slightly over the top and rather depressed/depressive. The only thing I have as a defense is that it was written awhile ago when I was feeling more crappy. I went to a tonal healing workshop (its actually a whole long time of things) and it really helped. Now my chakra doesn’t feel all wonky.

Did I really eat the whole thing?

2004-08-24T10:49:00.000-07:00

I am finished with the wretched fast. As I told my brother Brian, I gave that up for Lent. I decided to stop the idiocy inspired fast because #1 I had an upset stomach for at least 2 of the 3 weeks I was on it and #2 one day I had (shh, say it quiet now) diahrheah (it has extra Hs to make it even more silent) for a whole day. The 1st things I ate after I gave it up (on Sunday) was: several donuts, a lb of snow crab legs, a porkchop, an éclair, and other various and sundry other non-plant based foods. Like BREAD!!! Hurrah for onion foccacia. And yes I really ate the whole thing. Maybe not a good idea, but tasty and delicious. And who cares; who am I kissing anyway? NO- BODY. so hmph!

Jenny's Useful Advice

2004-08-22T21:32:00.000-07:00

1. while rice krispie treats are almost like cereal, they should not be eaten 3 meals a day
2. when feeling odd just think of lochia. You can sing it, like the chia pet song
3. use words that are predominately made of the vowel E
4. eat 16 mini candy bars but save the snickers for last
5. remember that you are not pregnant so your life is better
6. think of colin firth
7. denying self of tasty foods (candy bars etc) makes one grumpy, but very possibly thin as well
8. you can't fool yourself that mashed cauliflower is mashed potatoes even tho it's the same color

Friendly Intervention

2004-08-22T19:30:00.000-07:00

Sunday after leaving Waldorf, helping my brother move, I went home and do you know what I drove by? The road where Mortimer lives. Did I drive up and down said road in a futile and pathetic attempt to find his truck? Yes, yes I did. Was that bad? That is to be discovered at a later date. Then when I got home did I call him? Yes, again I did. But only let it ring one time before realized perhaps should NOT do that and quickly called Jenny my intervention friend. She is the best. Full of useful advice and ideas

great green gobs

2004-08-21T00:51:00.000-07:00

of greasy grimy gopher guts. is my fave alliteration. altho great gray greasy limpopo is also quite nice. my song is ALL about alliteration. and rhyming. little bitty birdy feet, mutilated monkey meat. mmm, mmm, good. at least my nose has stayed its actual size.

all you crazy mysterious commenters are very nice on my blog page, but you should at least put your initial or some such. how do i know which mysterious person is commenting then? maybe you want to remain mysterious. hmmm.

today i painted my finger nails in a french manicure manner with metallic aqua as base and metallic magenta as tips. lets see how long it will last. i thought of putting a bit of pure silver on the tippy-tips but didnt.

im still very sleepy,but no longer have to deal with big galumping dog. hurrah. next week i start the other job and then it just continues forever. at least most of september is a simply stop by water plants kinda job.

and turns out i DID NOT win beach book bingo at the lusby branch, even tho my chances were about 1 in 2. i did win in PF where my chances were more like 1 in 3. yeah. 64 books in 2 months. no-one else could beat that. hurrah!

is it lunch time yet? i bought nori (seaweed) and sushi rice and wasabi and pickled ginger yesterday. now i am all ready for making my own sushi. i even got a book from the library.

the reason all the male children were put to death

2004-08-20T16:31:00.000-07:00

if they were to grow up like the kids in my canoe camp (a dozen 11-14 yr old boys...no girls at all) then they should have been drowned as babies. remind me again to never breed. and if i have a boy to accidentally lose him in the mall.

last night i had an overnight. the guys finally got to sleep at 3:40 AM after i 1, told them it was noises off time; 2, took away their flashlights (now i have 5 nice flashlights if they dont come and claim them); 3, made the real trouble makers call their parents at 1 to tell them how they were being directly disobedient and were unable to follow the rules. at 3 they decided to start a game of foot ball. that was beyond enough. i got up told them to get in tents, shut up, dont move, keep lights off and then stood outside the tents for 1/2 hour until i was pretty sure they were asleep. if only i thought of that earlier.

at 7:30 when i got up and made breakfast i went out with a big pizza pan and metal spoon and banged it while yelling "good morning! get up, get out of your tents, pack up get ready to leave!" yay for me.

im exausted. i went home and tried to sleep and did some but couldnt get a deep sleep going. now im going to store to find sushi makings. sushi is my new fave thing. i buy it at safeway about 2x week. yesterday it was fun, cuz i bought it at 9 AM just after it was made. the nice lady making it talked to me for awhile and told me about it and said she would have lots more made in a bit, but i could only have the veggie ones. it was very good. ate it enroute to my house.

im still wearing pjs. at least i actually traded the pants for shorts. its freakishly hot. and wretchedly humid.

my mother

2004-08-20T13:43:00.000-07:00

yesterday i had 2 messages on my machine from my wacky mother.

she was telling a story about the daughter, best beloved, with long auburn hair needing to call the mother with short multicolored hair and the moving of the brother who lives by the banks of the opeeloompa (or some such) river that is actually the chesapeake and all sorts of weird things. like a rudyard kipling story. i got the gist. and see what i live with? and you know where i get it.

long time, sunburn

2004-08-19T16:26:00.000-07:00

i havent written in a while because i have been sapped. remind me again not to breed. especially with boys. this week i am teaching canoe camp. i nearly cried one time. that is very bad. it was when i was reaming out 4 kids who were some of the problem kids. yeep! i forgot the awards! and now i dont have time to make them!

i had a dozen 11-14 yr old boys. no girls. eerg.

more later. yesterday i got sunburned. and yelled and pushed the kids around. ok, only one kid and that was cuz he couldnt get into the canoe. bleah.

sweet sweet sleepy time

2004-08-12T16:52:00.000-07:00

i just got up from a nap. and then made some linner. this grazing thing will be the death of me. what i have learned is A. add extra salt, it will make you more full feeling and B. put in something that makes you think its meat; i.e. mushrooms. now mushrooms and salt are not directly (nor indirectly) from a plant, but i have a few exceptions.

i called dave the dairy farmer today. he was not in at the time. and tonight im going to see rob cuz he wants to put his new cooking skills to the test. sadly, i must bring most of the food. oh, well.

i put in 16 bingo cards today. 7 in pf and 9 in lusby. i hope to get one more in to pf by saturday. can i read 4 books in a day? yes, if small enough! i havent finished one that i was allowed to write down and turn in as long as i promised to read it by saturday, and if i hadnt be taken by a spell of sleepiness it woulda been done by now. and then i have to go have dinner and watch a movie! huh. i wont get those 4 done unless i give up sleeping. luckily i have off tomorrow!

imaginary flies

2004-08-12T09:47:00.000-07:00

there is an imaginary fly or some other creepy (litterally) thing on my foot. i am not liking it.

and i have to go to the bathroom.

i had a fruit smoothie for breakfast. with only fruit. not really breakfast. oh, well. food it is. i am all about this weird fast now. i am gung ho. and an uber-zealot. its a good thing i dont have this sort of fanatical conviction about other things. like politics or religion. all the worlds problems are due to those 2 things, i think. and people not agreeing about those two things.

isnt it good i pick nice normal things to become obsessed about? guffaw.

SRTs and other intenstinal trauma

2004-08-10T01:22:00.000-07:00

SRTs are more annoying, ow. and its all men's fault. im not sure how it comes about, and why we can even get sympathy SRTs but it is true. grrr. (for those who are sad, pathetic, or simply not in the know SRT is sexual repression tummyache, named by the female members of "the mob" in 1994 at St. Mary's College of MD.

i dont have one. but i did. and the only cure? saltines. who is not allowed to eat saltines on this wacky new fast/diet? me. wretched and more wretched.

heres a useless fact i just learned last night: my name/ your name is mud is supposed to be Mudd. from a dr. samuel a mudd over in waldorf md who was conviced and jailed for many years for conspiring to kill abe lincoln even tho he didnt do it. he set john wilkes booth's leg during his get-away.

all full of useless knowlege.

this housesitting idea was crazy. im housesitting from here till dooms day practically. what was i thinking? yeessh. aug 11 to aug 22. then aug 26 to aug 30 then sept 1 to sept 6. and now sept 12 to sept 19. i need a partner in crime. or career. dunno. and then the sewing!!! gah gah gah. just keep thinking, at least its money???

Gov Cup

2004-08-09T18:41:00.000-07:00

so the other day i actually was really wanting to blog, but not near a computer (i usually use the library one) and now i dont remember all the fun stuff i wanted to say.

anyway, i went with compatriots in crime/shennanigans/craziness melissa, rowan and whit. hurrah for fun times at the gov cup. this is my 8th (?) time and mel's 5th and rowan's 3rd and whit's 1st. maybe he will be a convert. and i did not see bk there, who i always see (he's fun to flirt with) but i did see DAVE THE DAIRY FARMER!!! he tells me he no longer owns a dairy farm, but since i first met him at gov cup 6 or so years ago and he had a dairy farm then, he will forever and always be dave the dairy farmer.

and we got hit on by drunk guys! that is always an adventure. fun to rebuff. wa ha. one of daves crew mates named jeff was seriously drunk and asked me when was the last time i was good and truly kissed and so i said yesterday. "by who?" and mel jumped in and said "me". wa ha! hurray for fun friends. then when i had completely rebuffed him, he tried the EXACT same line on mel. i mean, how dumb can you be? dorks. they are all dorks. we go to people watch. and see if we can find d.t.d.f. last year he wasnt there cuz his boat was hit by lighting. i laughed and was told it wasnt funny.

also i have decided (after seeing my good friends put on the biennial midsummer nights dream) to put on my own BAWDY m.s.n.d. with a cast of 13 doing all the parts. i will be titania and reprising my role as hippolyta queen of the amazons. and it will be all adults and VERY bawdy. i cant believe the not-so-subtle but out of date sexual content in the whole thing. now i just have to find some players. me, jason, kira, her boyfriend and maybe jackie. i will have to ask some other actor type people. tra la! i read it again and again. it is my new obsession. at least its healthy? dunno. it will be great fun. and all my friends who want to be in it, but without learning millions of lines will be fun fairy folk or villagers. hurrah!

now off to belly dancing. hope i dont jiggle so much i put my back out like last time!

Important for Bug Camp

2004-08-06T16:56:00.000-07:00

1. "how do you ask" must be applied to every question.
2. only very special people get to see all the faces of alice.
3. if you are a parent you should really, really, really (man i can not stress this enough) teach your children how to tie their shoes by the time they are 8. thats going into 3rd grade, ya know?
4. surf socks left out in the rain, closed in a car, and worn for a week straight do not smell fresh like peaches.
5. shoes could have a hard plastic sole, like me. (so says alice....im not sure which me that is)
6. the not-so-fresh string mop is more chocolate and the quickie sponge mop is vanilla.
7. stepping on a nail is never a good idea.
8. just the idea that there are 1. jellyfish 2. sharks 3. crabs 4. monsters of the deep in the water you will visit is enough to make 25% of 6-8 yr olds refuse to go in the water and/or complain of symptoms of attack by any of above creatures.
9. you should not have favorites at camp but leah and alex are them.
10. mama bird should be raised to permanent marker status.

Hard Plastic Soul

2004-08-06T15:42:00.000-07:00

hurrah! camp is finished! at least for this week. after a fun exciting week of one intern, samantha, stepping on a nail and going to the er and then getting "little red streaks" and alice going off to have fun with the doctor and a full physical ("NAKED") then shopping with (sad face) her own money, leaving miss shannan alone with 15 small children in the pouring rain; i am glad these kids are gone! except for leah and alex. they i will miss.

yesterday i had a great (note of sarcasm inserted here) time with un-raincoated 6-8 yr olds hiking thru woods and getting drenched to the skin. "can we go home now" was a fun exciting chorus thru the hike. then many didnt have a change of clothes even tho i sent a letter saying ALWAYS bring a change of clothes from the skin out. but NOOO. and several of these 8 yr olds did not know how to tie their shoes. what is the world/our educational system coming to? i had to know how to tie my shoes to go to kindergarden! it was travesty. plus its the boys i wanted to accidentally A. push over the cliff into the waiting bay, B. lose in the forest, C. feed them lots of tranquilizers or D. lock in a room with wild monsters that were the ones that did not know how to tie shoes. or play with others. errrrrg. the "punishment chair" was put to use. there is no chair. it is really just any likely spot in which said offender must sit for a totally arbitrary amt of time without associating with others until adult feels less apt to kill.

alice even got to see a fledgeling eagle. maybe. it was a monster that lived (or at least hung out for a bit) in a very cool tree that has a big hollow in the base. it is our "grandfather tree". it was born in 1775. or thereabouts.

not so sleepy today as i was yesterday. hurrah for beach and watching kids splash about in water. when its sandstorm-type windy and only 75 degrees. who woulda thunk it in august in MD? wacky. it goes with the downpour yesterday.

must go home. buy not all plant based food for melissa who is arriving around 5:30. tra la! hurray for mostly neurotic friends who relate to all my own neurosies! ooo! found pasta made only with organic duram wheat. not any added wretched vitamins and what not. and dates are my new best friend.

Anonomononous Friends

2004-08-06T14:39:00.000-07:00

i dont like that word. anomonyous. or what ever. i love my "A..." freinds. tra la. they are all secret friends. they should have blogs of their own. sadly are left in the dark ages of blogs that cannot be cuz all the good names have been taken. huh.

as a secret aside the one who claims to be a jewish mother is not. she is methodist.

and miss alice is a trick ho. but at least she knows who is her happy-happy-joy-joy-not-so-fresh-many- many- times- goddess- boss.

ps. i hate the freaking need to always change the time. i will pick random and useless times.

and i have been sucked into the fun excitement of bloggification and have bought NO non-plant-based foods for melissa!

and i have recently learned why its called a blog. (weB LOG) woah for smarty pants friends.

Safety Nap

2004-08-04T16:46:00.000-07:00

everyone should be given a safety nap. it is good. like when the 11 boys in camp are all crazy a good idea would be to knock them unconscious for a bit so miss shannan and miss alice can have safety naps. its more safe for us (sleeping on nice carpet rather than while driving) and safer for campers cuz we then dont accidentally lose them in the creek. oops.

this diet was a dumb idea. i am starving. all the time. i can see why grazers spend 70% of their day finding and chewing food. i miss cheese. i went out to eat with alice, tania and mitzi last night and ate a chicken quesidilla (even tho is totally not on my diet, cuz i was splurging) and it made me naseous. how sad is that?

i have given up mortimer. and i havent even called him since i got back from CA.

i am having a fun game of gov cup with all the girls this weekend. tra la.

i have been totally brushed off. so i will now be off to find a better fish. like josh. who owns his own company and likes the out doors. he rents kayaks and leads tours. or maybe the sicilian my mom wants to set me up with! sicilian!? i dont know if i can deal with that. it was just a subtle aside in one of her emails. never a straight-out fact that i should have been told! yeep.

time to go home to take a non-safety-nap. i fell asleep reading last night around 9:30. that is very sad. and i have to get a book read by thursday. yeah, tomorrow. picked up the book tonight. wack.

Important Brush off Facts

2004-07-31T13:58:00.000-07:00

1. brush offs are the most annoying form of breaking contact.
2. women should not call men more than 2x a week without a return call.
3. even tho bridget does it, do not drive by the guys house to see if he is home....if he is he will probly recognize your car, so get a friend to drive you.
4. find something else to do to take your mind off possible brush off.
5. female friends will sympathize and male friends will give you insight; keep them around.
6. paranoia is not attractive.
7. 3 weeks is the time span to determine if a brush-off has occured.
8. just remember that now youve got great basis for cutting poem.
9. go out and have fun.
10. if it doesnt kill you it will make you stronger.

Fin de la mez

2004-07-31T13:51:00.000-07:00

its like the end of the millenium only different.

and it is time for me to start my new diet. its not a diet in which i try to lose weight, eeww. its a diet to test my will power and eating habits. the plan is to eat only fruits or veggies for one month. brian does a fast simular to that but in january and i think thats silly. take advantage of the fresh produce, really! and i can only eat things that are like directly from the plant. so no veggie soup cuz its got wonky stuff in it. unless i make it myself. i bought 40 bucks of produce this afternoon. and beans. i can eat beans (brian wasnt allowed to) and ill eat flour or meal based foods if i make it myself. there will be no quick processed foods for me. and im the queen of processed foods! also no dairy. WHAT no cheese!?! that is the hardest. im giving my snackies and cheese to jason.

speaking of jason, we went out last night and had a great time. we saw spiderman 2 and went to the chinese buffet. and then hung out and talked for a long while.

i am feeling much better now. much more relaxed. i was feeling all stressed out and obsessive b/c mortimer has not yet called or emailed me. cat pointed out that he could be in the V. I. still, since we never talked about how long that would be. so that spazz episode is at least mostly over. hurrah.

Crap Karma

2004-07-30T01:27:00.000-07:00

I have decided I have crap relationship/love karma. I must have been a real jerk guy in my past life to have this upon me. I fall for guys that I really like and then they simply go away. And all the guys who fall for me immediately I feel nothing deep and personal for.
So I spent several minutes to myself saying silently and then aloud “I forgive you, I release you” to each of the men who have hurt me. That pulsing, glowing extra good feeling that lives in my chest (heart charka) went away and it felt open and raw for awhile and then sorta just empty and dark. Now its been awhile and its all jangly and wrong. And I can’t seem to make it normal again.
I think love is for shit and it doesn’t really exist. Or at least not for me.
And it’s really hard not to wallow in self-pity or to not fell self-doubt when this is my life. I just keep trying to stay positive but it’s really hard.
Sometimes I actually want to eat dirt. That old song is true. I want to put disgusting things into my body so then some-how I can feel like there is a reason for me to have such crap feeling in my life.
7/29/04 1:27am

Early morning

2004-07-27T06:51:00.000-07:00

so i woke to the dulcet tone of regan crying. soon followed by holly joining. grr.

today i leave CA. i am scheduled to be in and about airports till midnight tonight. thats eastern time so ill have lost 3 hrs, but gah. and then i have to work tomorrow. who was thinking that? it was not me. it was my boss. ugh.

so must shower and finish final packing.

New Day

2004-07-26T01:10:00.000-07:00

it is a whole new day. altho i dont really consider it so, since i havent actually gone to sleep from the day before. i just finished bridget jones book. lovely lovely book. lots of good tips on how to and/or how not to live life.

should be required post-college reading.

after getting inundated into the book i always talk with no subjects and with wonky british language. "prat!" "in the loo" "i have to go to hospital" ok, so thats really all it is. dhurr.

my thought is why is noone awake when i am? i dont care that its 1:15 AM on a (technically) monday morning and most people have to work and by my friends (east coast) standards its 4:15, sometimes i just need life to revolve around me.

and that is the reason for the non-wedding.

harumph.

Parlous Choice

2004-07-25T23:03:00.000-07:00

"One variety pack (spice of life, for extra choice: alluring Kellogg's-style suggestion) and one Improved Ultra Lightweight Latex Teat Ended for Even Greater Sensitivity. " note to readers, if you dont read the comments then you are sadly out of loop and should be shunned to the basement. perhaps i read too much bridget jones, but that can not be true. she is my new bible/selfhelp.

the wonky thing i have realized while re-reading bridget jones, edge of reason is that (ok, this will be more than one sad thing) A. i am obsessive, swinging madly from confident to pits of despair like bridget; B. have wretched possibly un-fresh feeling initials like bridget; C. should not rely on any self help books, even men are from mars like mom full-on believes in, but should be confident and honest; D. mantra should be 'am assured, receptive, responsive woman of substance who does not take responsibility for others behavior, only for own', even tho it doesnt really work; E. Mark Darcy is an unattainable goal, but if you love someone you should let them know. even if you dont love them and simply fancy them, then that is good too. altho perhaps driving past their house 4 time to see if they are home, calling 28 times just to hear their voice on the machine, and reviewing all old letters just be sure you hadnt dreamed up said person is a bit excessive. i have done none of these things, so you should be proud. very difficult to do when am currently on opposite side of the country. maybe bridget is not the best choice for role model. hmmm. will consider. over milk tray, silk cuts, and chardonnay.

doom. DOOOOOM!

maybe i need less books and more action. preferably in the snogging department.

Comment Whores

2004-07-23T11:45:00.000-07:00

I am well aware that a near (well not so NEAR actually, being in boston) and dear friend of mine is a comment whore. She shall remain nameless. (www.comfypants.blogspot.com) I am unable to live up to that glorious title, but recieved a email lamenting being unable to comment on MY page if not a registered user of blogger, and being unable to get a site b/c all good names including thisisveryimportantitistheairibreathe name was taken. so computer illiterate me went about, on a, shall we say, QUEST to enable anyone to comment on my blog. it is done. the grail has been spilled. now "the entire world" can comment to their hearts content. ive found that the world has little contentment and lots of contempt. and how many people out there anyway know about this site? im thinking less than a dozen. so ta da. comment on. i am an aspiring comment whore.

Important in CA

2004-07-23T08:05:00.000-07:00

1. sunblock: ALWAYS
2. plums will explode if you take them into the desert and leave them in your car. you can still eat them after tho.
3. the desert floor can reach 180 degrees.
4. the things not on exibit at the zoo are often more interesting than those that are.
5. gift shops are great places.
6. if you visit visitor centers you can pretend youve been all over by buying random postcards.
7. remember to address your postcards before you put them in the box. oops.

sleepless in san clemente

2004-07-22T23:47:00.000-07:00

it is nearly midnight here. i cant sleep. maybe its the 3-ish hour nap i took today. maybe its just jitters. i dunno.

i really cant think of anything to write about, but here i am. ill be hotmailing soon. if you love me, you would write. so i dont get too lonely and homesick. i am homesick.

i went to the beach today. the water was rough and rather cold. not like the chesapeake. its much better. to me. except for the jelly fish. i gathered up some great rocks tho! i think they are awesome! i wish we had rocks in MD. sadly, we are a coastal plain state, hence no rocks.

am i hungry? thirsty? crampy? why does my tummy hurt?

ok, this is useless.

High Desert

2004-07-22T09:18:00.000-07:00

These last two days (tues and weds) i went foraging out on my own and didnt even die. altho occasionally i wanted to. i went to palm springs which is somewhere out in/near the mojave desert. notice i say desert. altho the temp here in san clemente averages a lovely 80 degrees the further east i went the higher the temp rose. by the time i got in palm springs, it was 115. and i didnt see any springs. mostly i saw lots of rocks and some dead trees.

at the san jacinto park (at the top of a huge mt, i took the arial tram to get up there) it was cooler but all the trees were dying due to drought and bark beetles. i hiked around for a bit, but really missed green. that greyish color they call green is not really. growing up on the eastern shore makes me a bit sensitive to the green issue. for instance: ireland is not any more green than delaware. so hmph.

i had a great fun time at the living desert museum and searched for the cheetahs for quite a while, but never found them. and i fed a giraffe. they have got wacky tongues. i am sooo glad that they do not kiss. gleh.

and what i realized about the joshua tree park is that it has lots of scrubby trees (joshua trees are not that beautiful) and lots and lots and lots of rocks. i mean, how many pics of rocks can i take? 6; that is how many. and one was mostly the yukon in front of rocks. and i made sure to get the one clound in the sky in most of the pics.

now im back in s.c. and ann suggests i go out exploring, but i might just sit around and read. and then go to walmart. MAYBE ill go to the wax museum.

Being Adventuresome

2004-07-20T09:07:00.000-07:00

Ok, so im getting ready to go off to find adventure in palm springs. its like 2 hrs away. i have decided to go places no more than 3 hrs away, cuz i just dont want to drive so much. while im out there i will try to see palm springs, the living desert, and joshua tree natl park. hurrah for me.

and i am hoping the hotel has a hot tub. i will just sit in it all day. and maybe not go visiting anywhere. is that wrong?

i love map quest. it helps me find everything.

off i go. if only i had my super girl panties today!

Fear of everything

2004-07-19T10:10:00.000-07:00

Today Ann, my sister in law, left me home with keys to car and the idea that i can go about and do anything. Unfortunately, right now I dont want to do anything. i have this weird gut feeling that i should either stay here or go far away. after writing that, i actually feel better. i guess facing fears are good.

What i realized this sunday is: going about with two small girls (nearly 2 and 4) is not fun and going about alone is also not fun. so the fun thing i want to do is sit at home watch tv, read my book, go hang out at the beach, and sit in the back yard and watch the humming birds. is this a cop-out? when i could essentially do this at my own house?

also, CA is BIG. it takes forever to get anywhere. we all went up the pch yesterday and, while beautiful, it was crowded and full of traffic lights and everything was expensive. i would like to go to sequoia but its about 400 miles away and i dont really feel up to it in the unknown car (that is a mammoth suv).

maybe im just feeling insecure right now.

i think its the pms thing maybe. i feel bad physcially, mentally and emotionally. i have that feeling that i just want to lay down and cover myself with a blanket.

and i cant find my hair brush. i havent been able to find it since friday.

this didnt actually make me feel anybetter, altho i was hoping it would. i think im sorta homesick. i miss my friends, my cat, my own place and the ability to sleep in til 7:30.

Other side of the country

2004-07-16T08:29:00.000-07:00

it is now 8:30 am here in CA. it would be 11:30 at home. i am not feeling jet lag or what not, but i am feeling that many small children running about the house makes for mess and not so much sleep. yay me. i made fun happy dresses for regan and holly. holly loves hers. she actually remembers me, unlike regan. regan is 2, holly 4. holly decided to wear her "hollyanna" dress to school today. its a polkdotted pinafore. and i put her hair in braids. hurrah!

i am feeling not quite up to going out all by myself while here in CA. the drivers are crazy. ill wait til im sure rush our is over. like 7pm. wa ha. im not sure what i was thinking, coming out here and just having nothing to do, no plans and ann being at work the whole 2 weeks. yeep! i will be domestic and make food and walk the dog and read lots of books!

when i arrived and started to unpack there was a note that my baggage had been inspected! what is that about? its probly cuz the bag was a million pounds. the baggage check in lady said it was just at the edge of allowable load. whatever that means. its probly cuz its full of books that i hope to read while here. ive finished 2 since i left MD at 4 am yesterday morn. im all about super skinny quick read books.

now i have to surf internet or channel someone to think of a good dinner to put in a crock pot. hmmmm.

Children of the Bard

2004-07-14T09:31:00.000-07:00

so i went to see a play this morning with some peoples i know. and now josh is making me have stressful breathing. cuz he keeps staring at me. and he is no good at the catch the diamond in his shirt game.

he thinks that is funny.

now he is off with other youths. sad for me. not really. very cool peoples, but sadly all very youthful. hence the youth players.

my good friend jackie is the director of these youths. and i am frequently their costumer.

jackie will be driving me up the the airport tomorrow morn so that i can be saving moneys. yay for saving moneys.

this is a realization i came to last night. the reason i have been so obsessive with the beach book bingo is so that i will not be obsessive about mortimer, even tho i am, but simply on a lesser extent.

it is very sad that he is in the virgin islands forever. sigh.

i think i have as many books on my trip as i have clothes. who needs clothes? i mean really. im sure ann has a washing machine. hurrah for 5 t-shirts and 1 pr of shorts. ok, i have more than that. insanely i have 4 prs of shoes. im slightly addicted to shoes. and i gave a trash bag away.

ok, off to next show!

More off than Usual

2004-07-13T08:25:00.000-07:00

I did not wake at 5:30 this morn. ok, i did for a mo, fed the kitty and or let him outside (im not quite sure right now) and then went back to bed. i was sure id be up by 7. then i actually woke and it was 7:58. i was flabbergasted.

no more reading til very late at night for me.

i did just finish a really good re-telling of the story of troy tho. it was called goddess of yesterday. it made me wonder if i missed the brad pitt troy movie. how could that have happened? and then i had to try to figure out who orlando bloom would be. in this book paris was a big dork and helen should have been drug into the street and shot. or stabbed with a spear. repeatedly. she tried to kill her son. how wrong. see how im all up in arms about a book? maybe people are not meant to read a book a day for 2 months straight. i only have to read i think 27 more books to get the whole bingo thing i aspired to done. and the bingo game ends aug 14 i think. now my prob is not romances or selfhelp books it is social concerns and westerns. i do not care about what the rest of the world cares about. now if there was a book about figuring a way to kill off the larger part of the worlds population, i would be all for that.

i have found plays are the easiest. just a quick little read.

off to read more. and to pack for CA. hooray for flights out at 6 AM. bleh.

Crazy Un-Blog-ness

2004-07-12T12:16:00.000-07:00

This will be posted late cuz I haven’t had a chance to get on the internet cuz my happy little puter has a virus. How wrong is that? And in word all my un-caps are automatically capped and I don’t like it. Harrumph. And it really doesn’t like my spelling either. Grr.

So this past week I was teaching survivor camp. Way fun. Except for the spraining/straining parts of my body every day. Haha. Guh.

Wednesday was the best day cuz we got to play in the mud and that is one of my fave things to do. I mean really. And I am the best hider to. Yay me.

Things that don’t seem important but are

2004-07-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

These are important, especially in the morning before the campers arrive and Alice, Samantha and I are trying to not look like idiots for the day:

1. hopping about happily is not friendly to a sprained foot
2. flailing hands near the eyeball is not a good idea
3. too cool inside = condensation
4. early arrivals by children to camp is never a good thing
5. EZ cheese + saltines eaten while driving to work do not a healthy breakfast make

I will survive: think Gloria Gaynor

2004-07-12T12:11:00.000-07:00

I have survived the “Alone in the Woods” survivor camp. And I didn’t even force kids to eat bugs. They were all about making fires tho. And playing capture the flag. Capture the flag is not a friendly game tho. Cuz there is taunting and usually some sprained ankles or lots of bleeding thorn scratches. That is one place where we learn “the bandana is your friend”. At the pot luck/ campfire wrap up there were awards given out. My award was not-so-fresh fire goddess. Alice’s was sweet-sweet high five for that. Samantha’s: bead-master mom and shoe detector. There were other good ones like splits mvp, maiden glump, blister queen of ploys, groovemaster with way leadership abilities, I lost my shoe cuz I was abducted by aliens and other equally appealing ones. Tra la.

Important things learned while cleaning up after the survivor breakfast.

1. Tang is the Devil’s work
2. frootloops, while sparkly and beautiful, are not a pleasant thing for the 7:30 belly of Shannan
3. even is Geneva, Julia, Alan and Ryan stay up til 2:30 am, they will still get up by 6:30. what is that about?
4. not-so-fresh is a good award
5. “the Jonx” is always a great term to re-institute
6. Alice should not poke her bruises
7. You should not have favorites in camp, but Calvin is it
8. Hooray for happy happy Pez pants
9. flashing your super-girl panties is only acceptable to be done at adults

women’s circle

2004-07-12T12:09:00.000-07:00

last night I went to my womens circle. Ok, its not mine, cuz it was the 1st time I’d gone, but anyway. It was ok. Sorta woo-woo, but nice. I was the only unmarried-never married-childless person there. I felt like I needed a baby. But I really don’t.

ok so the crazy thing is there was a lady there who I looked at and knew I recognized from somewhere, but since I work with the public, I mean really, I see thousands of people in a year. Anyway eventually she said “Shannan, you went to St. Mary’s, didn’t you?” and I said yes. “are you friends with Gianna?” now Gianna is not a common name, unlike Jennifer or Christopher. Turns out the lady was Christina and she had roomed with Gianna back in QA and she grew up married Kevin, has a 4 yr old named Ethan and is due to have another son in October! Woah. Small world.

cross country

2004-07-12T10:03:00.000-07:00

ok, so i tried to blog while at work and my computer whatnot will not let me do so cuz the site is restricted. how sad for me. then i typed it all up in a word format and sent it on to my dear, computer literate friend cat. she is on top of things, im sure. altho since she doesnt blog herself, i dunno what this is all about. hmm.

i got up at about 5:30 this morn, cuz thats when i woke up. and i had just gone to womens circle the night before and one of the things i got was this list of native american ethics. number one was get up with the sun to pray, pray alone, pray often. so i did.

and it was like staying up to watch the sun rise while in smc. yeah, got to see the sky lighten. so i dunno if i actually saw the sun rise or if i missed it or if i went inside too early. hmmm.

well, its lunch time, and altho i had a fresh pepper from my garden and a few cheese crackers, that is not really a lunch.

i will be heading to CA on the 15th, and that should be a great adventure. im hoping anyway. ill see my sis in law and my 2 nieces. i made them happy fun dresses, tra la!

off on a new adventure!

Depression era spending

2004-07-02T19:02:00.000-07:00

ok, so this is not a depression era.

i went to wal-mart this morn to replace said chewed upon brush, tooth brush, carrying cases etc. Walmart did not have a brush i wanted (actually they had no brushes cuz they were doing some re-stocking thing). and they had no mini shampoos etc. so since i was feeling sad and without fun things to replace my stuff and since i didnt want to use my credit card for a $3 bill, i decided to get happy things. namely underware. very nice, very friendly. got one happy stiped green and blue bra, got a different striped exercise bra that i can wear without a shirt, got a red racer back bra, got a 3 pack of exercise bras for belly dancing, and some fun panties that say "hi im an aries" on them. and a cute little tee-shirt with the mean siamese cats from lady and the tramp on them. so my possible $3 expenditure turned into a $40 expenditure. but now i have fun happy underthings. i think that stems from having to wear boring outer things (uniform) all the time. i like cool socks too.

Anger in all forms

2004-07-01T19:51:00.000-07:00

tonight i went to a full moon drumming circle. unfortunately it was not very good. it was a new circle and no-one knew how to drum together and the woman leading the drumming couldnt keep the rythmn, so it was not so good. i was saddened.

then i came back to the housesitting house and found the horrible smlucky dog had eaten all of my bathroom supplies. hairbrush, tooth brush, vitamins and cases for all, and strewn everything all about the house. my clothes too. gah! i told him bad dog ALOT and now he is not trying to be up in my face.

and mortimer didnt call or email me. even tho i like him very much i am not happy. i was very happy thinking about hearing from him coming home. maybe im too obsessive. i am not going to think about/talk about/email to him for several days (at least 1; its very difficult for me not to be obsessive).

so now i must go read more books to win the game. i havent completed one today yet! but will be sure to get closer to it. great gatsby im listening to in the car and with the 40 mile drive from my house to here i get alot of listening in.

Stomach Trauma

2004-06-30T18:58:00.000-07:00

ok. eating a french bread pizza at 9:30 at night is not a good idea. and having a rather large dog pass gas nearby is also not pleasant to the digestion.

now i have tummy trauma.

i have come to realize that my life centers around being obsessed and or (and usually more of the or) about food and what i have/will/should/shouldnt eat. what is that about?

on a brighter note. i am busy busy busy reading a million books so i can win the prize for the library's beach book bingo game. I have read 25 books since june 13th. ok, 8 of them are children's stories, but one of the squares is to read 5 childrens stories, so its necessary. im reading some pretty good ones too. donna jo napoli is on of my fave authors. she does usually young adult retellings of fairy tales.

the stuff that is hardest to read is romance, sports, war and westerns. and self help. i dont want to help myself. i want to wallow in misery. except im not miserable. i feel really great about my self and my body and my life. so i read them just to read them.

House sitting

2004-06-30T04:36:00.000-07:00

gleh! here is an audio image for ya'll: imagine being mostly asleep and happy and comfy then at about daylight you hear this nasty smlucking sound. the sound of a rather large dog licking some parts of its body that it maybe shouldnt. for 20 minutes straight. eeew. i got up, threw the dog outside to let him have fun with his private parts without me. and then went back to bed. eeeeh. that is absolutely not very friendly. it made me feel not so fresh. thinking about it makes me feel even more not so fresh.

more important things

2004-06-29T17:23:00.000-07:00

yesterday i said some important things i had learned that day.

i guess i really didnt learn them, at least came to the realization they were important. cuz i ate another pound of cherries for brunch. but added a honeybun and a glass of milk to make it more breakfasty.

1. being alone is only fun if youve got things to do.

2. hotmail can be evil. especially if the only mail i get tells me how to spy, lower my intrest rates or increase my penis size. im not sure how that last one would work, since i have no penis.

3. work creeps up on you and suddenly you feel like screaming cuz deadlines (in my case camp starts next week) are looming.

4. belly dancing is good for you.

5. cold pizza for lunch and hot pizza for dinner, while getting rid of food in fridge, is not the best choice in eating arrangements.

6. if you really want to win beach book bingo go for the thin books and be vigilant in completeing a bingo. dont go about reading whatever you want and then have 15 books read but only 4 count in any order. gah!

there were comments about my earlier important things. yes pajamas are clothes. going about naked, while comfortable and cooling in your own home, is not acceptable in public. stick time is 11:11. notice how they look like little sticks. esp on digital clocks/watches. you get to make a wish at stick time too! mine is the same wish all the time. or at least mostly. HEALTH.

Hotmail as a Downfall

2004-06-29T06:09:00.000-07:00

this morning, after rushing home to my little baby laptop and lovely grey whiny kitty i tried to get into my hotmail accnt. (obsessive to see if anyone loves me or not...i wasnt always like this). the hotmail said the server was too busy. what does that mean? i cannot read my hotmail? what if something important is in there? what if my friends have had babies while i was housesitting? what if mortimer wrote me? what if i got extra random miles from usairways and now dont have to pay to go to CA? gah! this is my life. this is how i live.

you must strive for peace. go to your happy place.

i had one boyfriend (drew) who thought the best thing i ever said was "my happy place is dark and mean". i have heard him bring that up a year after we stopped dating. how odd. i dunno why i had said it. my happy place is no longer dark and mean, if it ever was. hotmail is dark and mean. at least today.

are there any cookies around? i think i need a cookie. cookies for breakfast, lunch or dinner are bad. i frequently have cookies for dinner. way to be healthy.

as a happy good side note, since i have been taking belly dancing (and its killing my upper abs) that annoying pooch is lessening a lot. note to self and all pooched women: belly dancing good. on several levels. i mean, how sexy is that? and the jinglies are also very friendly. hurrah for bells.

the ochre that i painted on my legs is still there. i have invented a new self tanner. except it is a color that is just wrong for all over skin tone.

ok, time to find breakfast. how bout granola bars? are they healthy?

Important things

2004-06-28T08:12:00.000-07:00

so its only 11:11 (stick time) and i have re-learned or newly learned some very important things this morn.

1. you really have to put on clothing if you are going out in public.
2. when walking thru a holly forest shoes are a must.
3. altho friendly and delicious a pound of cherries do not a breakfast make.
4. red ochre when used to paint beautiful swirls on legs and belly does not wash immediately off when you have to go to your belly dance class.
5. too much shimmie-ing can cause back trouble.
6. practicing belly dancing while wearing a bikini on the beach is apt to cause the fishermen to run aground on a sand bar. (that didnt actually happen but it could have)

drowning under a deluge

2004-06-28T04:56:00.000-07:00

One of my fave songs is "its raining men" by geri halliwell, not the weather girls. last month felt like it was raining men. none of them good. guh.

So on to better and brighter things! today that is called mortimer. i will call him mortimer, altho he calls himself mort.

well, i called the number he gave me, and got the womans voice. yeah, bothersome, that. so i emailed him essentially asking if he was 19 or there abouts and jailbait, cuz if that was true i would not be pleased and would not be going out on dates. he thought that was funny. he is 25. he IS living at home, but just came home in the last month or so after moving out of some place in baltimore area. so has not lived at home the entire 25 yrs of his life. thats just creepy if that happens. if you went to college and then procede to live at home for years you are weird. i figure if you are not outta there by 23, bad things man. i jumped ship and moved to tennessee rather than stay at home any more.

so later on thursday mort called me. i was housesitting that week, but was actually at home when he called so i got to talk to him which was good and he wanted to go do something but not the normal dinner and a movie thing in which you cant talk or get to know the other person. so i said he could come and hang out at the house sitting house. he is utterly clueless about where stuff is in this county. i met him at the walmart and we caravaned.

the dog i was sitting for had left presents, that mortimer found. yay him. and we played with the puppy and picked clovers and read poetry (he saw the ones that i had published in the contest for the 350th historical celebration and was impressed). We didnt ever even succumb to the boring "sit in front of tv and watch what ever dribble is on" even tho law and order is not dribble. it was great hanging out and i felt an instant connection. he said the same. like a warm feeling right below my sternum. thats the 4th chakra im told. or some such. turns out he has hobbies of painting, drama, reading and writing. very sim to me. i do less painting and more drawing and lots more sewing, but anyway. very good connection. and we seemed to fit. and he kisses well. haha. i do not like people who kiss like a dog. and he makes cute noises. it is making me happy happy right now just thinking about it. this is what Cat calls twitterpated.

plus "peaceful world" makes me happy. im listening at this second!

then we made a date for friday 6/25 to make lavendar scones for the midsummernights dream fairy party i was going to on sat evening. great fun. waited and waited on friday and no mortimer! very sad, but i am sorta used to being told one time to meet and actually not meeting for hours later. last boyfriend again. so i finally called him and no answer. grrr.

later i got an email that he had lost my number. but he found it on the caller id. and called and said he had to go unexpectedly out to PA! what is that about? and he wouldnt be back til tomorrow. well, i called saturday hoping he was back, had skipped work and wanted to go to the fairy party. i made a poofy shirt for him so he wouldnt be out of place. he was not home and the lady of the house (being obviously unaware said he was in county and wouldnt be going to PA til monday!!) that made me angry. the contradiction. eventually i decided to believe mort not the random woman id never met and not get spastic. still, i went to the party with no mort. very sad. and saw one of my previous boyfriends (drew) there with his new girlfriend. it was ok, cuz i was in my lord of the matrix costume and had sharp pointy weapons and had drug my friend rowan and her boyfriend whit along. there was lots of fun at the party (like maypole dance, wooing contest and dares) i had to tell a secret. it was very enjoyable to all the peoples. then i bolted cuz i had to be up at 6:30 the next morn to get ready for my initiation into the native american ideas society i had been taking classes in, and i had to stop in and feed cats at another housesitting place. i am the housesitting queen. the month of june i didnt housesit 6 days. and july seems to be filling up!

so now im tired. i have to go out and play on the beach a bit. it is a most beautiful day. not very hot, nor humid. and i dont have to go to work! tra la!

Sunday 6/27

2004-06-27T19:10:00.000-07:00

This blog has been created because Catherine told me numerous times that i really needed to get out there and blog cuz what i was experiencing needed to be known by everyone.

Here is one of my rules i have developed for blogging. i will use real names. i will not change identities to protect the innocent. innocence is protection enough. those who are guilty (including me, if the case) get what they get.

so my life is something akin to a soap opera. it generally has been, at least in the romantic field. a few less car crashes, comas and evil twins but in general, yeah, opera like. even loud singing in wierd languages. thats me tho.

let me begin at the beginining. of this "season's" drama.

the 1st and most important thing to understand at this point is that A: i am a single 29 yr old woman, B: generally this is a constant state of being with random insane fits of relationshipness, and most importantly C: next year i am throwing myself a rather large (125 guests) birthday party for my 30th; the theme of which will be non-wedding. now there are some people who think that is a stupid, weird, pathetic and variously odd idea. those people just are jealous. and will not get to wear a tiara.

the 2nd thing to understand is that as soon as i decided to go thru with this wild hair my co-workers said i would get married before the party happened. that is not likely (since its in april next year and i have neither boyfriend nor prospect) (i also have a problem with the terms boy and girl friend. i do not want to be connotated as a girl and i dont want to date a boy, i want a MAN, one who looks good in tight pants, preferably)

the 3rd thing, and here enters the soap opera feeling is the innundation of menfolk into my social life. i will try to explain in a logical sequence and allow you, gentle reader, to feel my anxiety.

i belong to a poetry group at the library. eventually one of the guy poets who are there asked if he could email me with naturalist questions. i knew it was a less than subtle ploy, but he is nice and i dont mind emailing. i do not feel attracted to him tho, so i figured that is all it would be. then the librarians started telling me that he was "sweating" me. now, eeeww. i do not want to be sweated and especially not by him. yeep.

at the end of may my good friend moy told me there was a "young, handsome, single man named dave" in the music group she and her husband denny are involved in. so i went on an "introduction". dave was very nice and very attractive and with muscles and nice eyes, but not very flirty. maybe just shy?

days later my friend robyn invited me to a memorial day picnic for an "introduction" to her friend mike. also cute, in a totally different way (thin, well groomed, dark hair, good voice).

2 days after the memorial day picnic DAVE showed up at the park where i work with his 1st grade class and I was leading the tour. yay for me! i was VERY friendly. i went home and talked about him to my housemate julie. she said she heard he was GAY. so i quick called moy to ask her, she didnt know. so i called robyn and asked her about mike. and she told me her husband eric had talked to mike and asked if he would like to exchange numbers with me. and he said "i dont think that would be a good idea". now WHAT is THAT supposed to mean! gah!

so feeling snubbed i put on my "well im already feeling like crap i may as well follow my own mantra (he who hesitates is a damned fool)" guise and make a fool of myself and call dave. AT HIS SCHOOL!!!! that was a fiasco. imagine, if you will, a 29 yr old, generally self possessed woman calling a school and saying to the secretary "can i talk to dave?" and when asked what this is in regards to i must say "its personal". GAH!

so i was flustered all weekend (i left the message on a thursday).

cat, in her wisdom, suggested that dave is busy and it would take about 72 hrs for him to get back to me. she LIES! it took like 87 hrs. ok, she is wise in many ways. harumph. and the message? "hi shannan this is dave from dowell elementary, i would love to hear from you and we can see where to go from there" notice the love to hear from you part. well, not wanting to seem to eager/desperate i called moy and told her the most recent details and then waited a day to call. and no answer and no answer and no answer and no answer (this is over a few days and at times i figured he would be home). then i realized the number he gave me was the school number so i had to call the secretary AGAIN and this of course is on a thursday and school ends on friday! this time at least i could say i was returning a call.

that saturday i went to my big kids camp (MAPS meet) and not only did i learn more primitive skills i got to put my skills of avoiding creepy staring guys and brushing off the guys who suggested i spend the night in their cabin! i could not be bothered with all those men folk. i was obsessing about DAVE! (im vaguely obsessive, snicker, snort). i fully expected a message on my machine from said obsessee when i returned home, but NOOO. harumph.

then i called moy and denny and asked what i should do. denny said that when he was that age, if a beautiful woman took an interest in him, he was happy so go ahead and feel free to go into stalker mode. ok, not really stalker but try the # in the phone book. so i did. yeah. dave's parents. how bout some more making a fool of myself. that was july 15th or so. the 17th-ish dave called. less "would love to hear from you" and more "so you called my parents...here is my home number". that didnt seem promising.

on monday 6/14 my co-worker and friend mitzi called me and wanted to know if i would like to go to see harry potter with her and i said yes. (i unfortunately forgot about my belly dance class). when i got there her son richard was there and he was going too. but with out his kids. he is just recently separated from his second wife and mitzi tells me that richard thinks that i am very attractive and funny. yeah, too bad. i went on a few dates with her other son allen and only bad things came of that, so there will be no more dating in that family. i studiously avoided being VERY FRIENDLY and was rather loud, obnoxious, outspoken and drank alcohol. tra la.
on tuesday 6/22 i went to the library (i practically live there, its great, they all know me by name) and was getting all excited by this new program they are doing called "beach book bingo" and while i was busy accosting susan about what i needed and my grand schemes of winning the whole game by stuffing the ballot boxes by reading hundreds of books, preferably thin and quick reads, there was a young cute guy returning a book about welding to one of the other librarians. i am naturally friendly (and nosy) and so i spilled over in my excitement and he asked what the whole thing is about. so susan and i told him all about the rules and fun stuff. then i went off to walk to the post office with julie (librarian and housemate). julie had to use the bathroom 1st, so i waited outside in the hall for her. then the guy went by and he used the mens room. he looked at my feet as he went by, or so it seemed to me. and i was with unshaved legs, chipped toenail polish, cut-off jean shorts, nice sandals, a too big t-shirt and unbrushed hair in the ever-loving twist and clip style. then he came out and walked back to the library and said "i dunno if i will be able to this bingo thing". i touched his arm (see very friendly, ok, i thought he was cute and turned on the 'you know you want me' spotlight) and said that i knew he would be fine. then julie came out of the bathroom and scared him away. then he came back and said "you seem like an attractive person, do you think you'd like to go out on a date with me" and i said yeah, sure. seeings as how calvert county is devoid of social oppurtunities. and he made me promise not to laugh at his name (mortimer) and we exchanged numbers.

then next day i called him (feeling underwhelmed with dave's response) and there was a woman's voice on the answering machine! GAH! that means he lives at home!!! and is maybe 19!!

here are my rules of dating:
1. only date men older than 24 (due to the 23 yr old most recent boyfriend) and younger than 36.
2. only date men who do not live at home.
3. only date men who do not have any children.
4. only date men who do not have a name of someone in my close family. most notable robert, jeff, michael, darron, brian, or andy.
there are many more smaller ones but those are the most important. some of the lesser ones are the guy has to be able to pick me up (possible swing dance partner), has to have larger muscles than me (im pretty buff), has to not be a co-worker or a child of one, and i cannot be the "straight man" in the relationship.

so i have sat here so long typing my butt has gone numb and i have listened to john [cougar] mellancamp's cutting heads album 3 times. but i can type no more. perhaps i will get more in later.

especially about mortimer. hooray!

sleep now.

ok, so if this doesnt work im gonna be very peeved. that is the opposite of very friendly.