High Drama

Monday, July 19, 2004

Fear of everything

Today Ann, my sister in law, left me home with keys to car and the idea that i can go about and do anything.  Unfortunately, right now I dont want to do anything.  i have this weird gut feeling that i should either stay here or go far away.  after writing that, i actually feel better.  i guess facing fears are good. 
 
What i realized this sunday is:  going about with two small girls (nearly 2 and 4) is not fun and going about alone is also not fun.  so the fun thing i want to do is sit at home watch tv, read my book, go hang out at the beach, and sit in the back yard and watch the humming birds.  is this a cop-out?  when i could essentially do this at my own house? 
 
also, CA is BIG.  it takes forever to get anywhere.  we all went up the pch yesterday and, while beautiful, it was crowded and full of traffic lights and everything was expensive.  i would like to go to sequoia but its about 400 miles away and i dont really feel up to it in the unknown car (that is a mammoth suv). 
 
maybe im just feeling insecure right now. 
 
i think its the pms thing maybe.  i feel bad physcially, mentally and emotionally.  i have that feeling that i just want to lay down and cover myself with a blanket. 
 
and i cant find my hair brush.  i havent been able to find it since friday. 
 
this didnt actually make me feel anybetter, altho i was hoping it would.  i think im sorta homesick.   i miss my friends, my cat, my own place and the ability to sleep in til 7:30. 

1 Comments:

At July 20, 2004 at 7:51 AM, Blogger cat said...

hey there!

CA is big, but you can explore just thier area. be brave! you're on an exciting adventure and you have loads of woman-power, i know it:)

also: oh wheeeereee is my hairbrush? oh wheeererereeee is my hairbrush?

 

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