High Drama

Sunday, June 27, 2004

Sunday 6/27

This blog has been created because Catherine told me numerous times that i really needed to get out there and blog cuz what i was experiencing needed to be known by everyone.

Here is one of my rules i have developed for blogging. i will use real names. i will not change identities to protect the innocent. innocence is protection enough. those who are guilty (including me, if the case) get what they get.

so my life is something akin to a soap opera. it generally has been, at least in the romantic field. a few less car crashes, comas and evil twins but in general, yeah, opera like. even loud singing in wierd languages. thats me tho.

let me begin at the beginining. of this "season's" drama.

the 1st and most important thing to understand at this point is that A: i am a single 29 yr old woman, B: generally this is a constant state of being with random insane fits of relationshipness, and most importantly C: next year i am throwing myself a rather large (125 guests) birthday party for my 30th; the theme of which will be non-wedding. now there are some people who think that is a stupid, weird, pathetic and variously odd idea. those people just are jealous. and will not get to wear a tiara.

the 2nd thing to understand is that as soon as i decided to go thru with this wild hair my co-workers said i would get married before the party happened. that is not likely (since its in april next year and i have neither boyfriend nor prospect) (i also have a problem with the terms boy and girl friend. i do not want to be connotated as a girl and i dont want to date a boy, i want a MAN, one who looks good in tight pants, preferably)

the 3rd thing, and here enters the soap opera feeling is the innundation of menfolk into my social life. i will try to explain in a logical sequence and allow you, gentle reader, to feel my anxiety.

i belong to a poetry group at the library. eventually one of the guy poets who are there asked if he could email me with naturalist questions. i knew it was a less than subtle ploy, but he is nice and i dont mind emailing. i do not feel attracted to him tho, so i figured that is all it would be. then the librarians started telling me that he was "sweating" me. now, eeeww. i do not want to be sweated and especially not by him. yeep.

at the end of may my good friend moy told me there was a "young, handsome, single man named dave" in the music group she and her husband denny are involved in. so i went on an "introduction". dave was very nice and very attractive and with muscles and nice eyes, but not very flirty. maybe just shy?

days later my friend robyn invited me to a memorial day picnic for an "introduction" to her friend mike. also cute, in a totally different way (thin, well groomed, dark hair, good voice).

2 days after the memorial day picnic DAVE showed up at the park where i work with his 1st grade class and I was leading the tour. yay for me! i was VERY friendly. i went home and talked about him to my housemate julie. she said she heard he was GAY. so i quick called moy to ask her, she didnt know. so i called robyn and asked her about mike. and she told me her husband eric had talked to mike and asked if he would like to exchange numbers with me. and he said "i dont think that would be a good idea". now WHAT is THAT supposed to mean! gah!

so feeling snubbed i put on my "well im already feeling like crap i may as well follow my own mantra (he who hesitates is a damned fool)" guise and make a fool of myself and call dave. AT HIS SCHOOL!!!! that was a fiasco. imagine, if you will, a 29 yr old, generally self possessed woman calling a school and saying to the secretary "can i talk to dave?" and when asked what this is in regards to i must say "its personal". GAH!

so i was flustered all weekend (i left the message on a thursday).

cat, in her wisdom, suggested that dave is busy and it would take about 72 hrs for him to get back to me. she LIES! it took like 87 hrs. ok, she is wise in many ways. harumph. and the message? "hi shannan this is dave from dowell elementary, i would love to hear from you and we can see where to go from there" notice the love to hear from you part. well, not wanting to seem to eager/desperate i called moy and told her the most recent details and then waited a day to call. and no answer and no answer and no answer and no answer (this is over a few days and at times i figured he would be home). then i realized the number he gave me was the school number so i had to call the secretary AGAIN and this of course is on a thursday and school ends on friday! this time at least i could say i was returning a call.

that saturday i went to my big kids camp (MAPS meet) and not only did i learn more primitive skills i got to put my skills of avoiding creepy staring guys and brushing off the guys who suggested i spend the night in their cabin! i could not be bothered with all those men folk. i was obsessing about DAVE! (im vaguely obsessive, snicker, snort). i fully expected a message on my machine from said obsessee when i returned home, but NOOO. harumph.

then i called moy and denny and asked what i should do. denny said that when he was that age, if a beautiful woman took an interest in him, he was happy so go ahead and feel free to go into stalker mode. ok, not really stalker but try the # in the phone book. so i did. yeah. dave's parents. how bout some more making a fool of myself. that was july 15th or so. the 17th-ish dave called. less "would love to hear from you" and more "so you called my parents...here is my home number". that didnt seem promising.

on monday 6/14 my co-worker and friend mitzi called me and wanted to know if i would like to go to see harry potter with her and i said yes. (i unfortunately forgot about my belly dance class). when i got there her son richard was there and he was going too. but with out his kids. he is just recently separated from his second wife and mitzi tells me that richard thinks that i am very attractive and funny. yeah, too bad. i went on a few dates with her other son allen and only bad things came of that, so there will be no more dating in that family. i studiously avoided being VERY FRIENDLY and was rather loud, obnoxious, outspoken and drank alcohol. tra la.
on tuesday 6/22 i went to the library (i practically live there, its great, they all know me by name) and was getting all excited by this new program they are doing called "beach book bingo" and while i was busy accosting susan about what i needed and my grand schemes of winning the whole game by stuffing the ballot boxes by reading hundreds of books, preferably thin and quick reads, there was a young cute guy returning a book about welding to one of the other librarians. i am naturally friendly (and nosy) and so i spilled over in my excitement and he asked what the whole thing is about. so susan and i told him all about the rules and fun stuff. then i went off to walk to the post office with julie (librarian and housemate). julie had to use the bathroom 1st, so i waited outside in the hall for her. then the guy went by and he used the mens room. he looked at my feet as he went by, or so it seemed to me. and i was with unshaved legs, chipped toenail polish, cut-off jean shorts, nice sandals, a too big t-shirt and unbrushed hair in the ever-loving twist and clip style. then he came out and walked back to the library and said "i dunno if i will be able to this bingo thing". i touched his arm (see very friendly, ok, i thought he was cute and turned on the 'you know you want me' spotlight) and said that i knew he would be fine. then julie came out of the bathroom and scared him away. then he came back and said "you seem like an attractive person, do you think you'd like to go out on a date with me" and i said yeah, sure. seeings as how calvert county is devoid of social oppurtunities. and he made me promise not to laugh at his name (mortimer) and we exchanged numbers.

then next day i called him (feeling underwhelmed with dave's response) and there was a woman's voice on the answering machine! GAH! that means he lives at home!!! and is maybe 19!!

here are my rules of dating:
1. only date men older than 24 (due to the 23 yr old most recent boyfriend) and younger than 36.
2. only date men who do not live at home.
3. only date men who do not have any children.
4. only date men who do not have a name of someone in my close family. most notable robert, jeff, michael, darron, brian, or andy.
there are many more smaller ones but those are the most important. some of the lesser ones are the guy has to be able to pick me up (possible swing dance partner), has to have larger muscles than me (im pretty buff), has to not be a co-worker or a child of one, and i cannot be the "straight man" in the relationship.

so i have sat here so long typing my butt has gone numb and i have listened to john [cougar] mellancamp's cutting heads album 3 times. but i can type no more. perhaps i will get more in later.

especially about mortimer. hooray!

sleep now.

ok, so if this doesnt work im gonna be very peeved. that is the opposite of very friendly.

1 Comments:

At June 28, 2004 at 4:54 AM, Blogger cat said...

That is great about Dave. He called you back and gave you his home number and probably felt pretty dumb for not realizing you didn't have it in the first place. Call him, already:) Give him a chance to be a bit more assertive...like actually talking to you on the phone and asking you out:)

 

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